The Best Irish Jokes? Hard to Say ... But These Are Pretty Darn Funny!

Finding the best Irish jokes is a matter of taste. The truth is, there is no way to know which ones are truly the best. What we do know is when we gather with our Irish friends, jokes fly faster than blackbirds going south!

Please enjoy this collection - and for many, many more examples, don't miss our main section on Irish jokes here.

Best Irish Jokes: Drinking Jokes

There are hundreds of Irish drinking jokes and it was no easy task to come up with the winner. But that didn't stop us from trying!

This drunken Irish husband must have had the luck of the Irish working for him that night. Watch how he gets out of trouble he didn't even realize he was in!

"An Irishman wakes up one morning with the filthiest hangover and no recollection of the night before. Slowly opening his eyes, he sees a bottle of aspirin and a glass of water on the bedside table.

He looks around the room to find his clothes are on the dresser, neatly folded, with a clean shirt on top. The bedroom is immaculate. On the bedside table is a note, which says, ‘Darling, your breakfast is in the kitchen. I love you.’

Downstairs, he finds his favourite cereal, croissants, freshly squeezed orange juice and freshly brewed coffee laid out waiting for him, along with the morning paper – and his 15-year-old son, who is finishing his own breakfast.

’Tell me, son,’ he asks, ‘what happened last night?’

‘Well, says the boy, ‘you came home so blind drunk you didn’t even know your own name. You nearly broke the door down, then you were sick in the hallway, then you knocked the furniture over and when Mum tried to calm you down, you thought she was the police, so you gave her a black eye.’

‘My Gosh!’ says the man. ‘Then how come my clothes are all folded, the house is tidy and my breakfast is ready?’

The son replied: ’when Mum dragged you into the bedroom and tried to get your trousers off to put you into bed, you shouted at her, ‘Get your filthy hands off me, floozie woman, I’m married!'"

Best Irish Jokes: Irish Priest

They may close down the pub on Saturday night but come Sunday mass you'll find many good Irish Catholics on their knees.

However, since the Irish often have a self-deprecating sense of humor, they will occasionally poke fun at the priest.

The good Father was warning his listeners about the suddenness of death.

"Before another day is ended," he thundered, "somebody in this parish will die!"

Seated in the front row was a little old Irishman who laughed out loud at this statement. Very angry, the priest said to the jovial old man, "What on earth is so funny?"

"Well!" spoke up the oldster, "Thank God I'm not a member of this parish!"

Best Irish Jokes: A Proud Irish Mum

This one is a bit spicy! Please avert your eyes if easily offended...

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together.

The first one tells her friends, "My son is a Priest. When he walks into a room, everyone says 'Father'."

The second one chirps, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, everyone says Your Grace'."

The third Catholic lady says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. When he walks into a room, everyone says 'Your Eminence.'"

The fourth Catholic lady sips her coffee in silence. The first three ladies ask, "Well...?"

Finally she replies, "My son is a 6' 2" hard-bodied stripper, and hung like a rhino. When he walks into a room, everyone says, 'Oh, my God!"'

Best Irish Jokes: St Patricks Day

St. Patrick's Day is ALL about Irish expression. And as we have said many times, everybody - even a Texan - has an Irish side. This one cracks us up every time we hear it!

"St. Patrick's Day is such a wonderful occasion. It gives the Irish the omnipotent feeling that Texans have all year long!

Best Irish Jokes: Paddy Does It Again

Poor Paddy is the butt of many, many Irish jokes. "Paddy jokes" are St. Patrick's Day favorites.

"Paddy was in New York, patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing.

The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, 'Okay, pedestrians.' Those on foot would cross the street. Then he would allow the traffic to pass.

He had done this several times while Paddy still stood at the crosswalk, getting more and more impatient.

After the cop had shouted, 'Pedestrians!' for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, 'Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?'"

As I said. Poor Paddy...

Want More Irish Sayings?

It is probably obvious - at Irish Expressions, we love Irish wit and wisdom! Knowing the perfect Irish 'thing to say' on any occasion gives us a deeper sense of connection with Ireland, wherever in the world we happen to be!

To help you build your own personal Irish vocabulary, we have over the years created many downloadable, share-able Irish games, puzzles, recipes, songbooks, quizzes, and much, much more.

Want them right now? Keep reading to learn about "Your Irish Expressions Playbook."

What's Next?

Irreverent humor is an essential part of Irish culture and heritage. Sharing some of the best Irish jokes is a fun way to share your personal Irish side!

For more hilarious Irish humor, you may want to visit our main section on Irish jokes here!

More Fun With Irish Expressions

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